


When I Dream Of You

by littlesparrow33



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Dean Needs A Hug, Denial of Feelings, Dream Sex, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Sad Dean, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13885245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesparrow33/pseuds/littlesparrow33
Summary: Castiel reaches out to Dean through his dreams and finds something that he did not expect. First the hunter dreams of Purgatory, now this? Some things are supposed to be private.Set sometime between S08E21 "The Great Escapist" and S08E23 "Sacrifice"





	When I Dream Of You

**Author's Note:**

> This one's a shorty. It was just a brief thought, and then I cried, and then I wrote it anyway and cried some more. Worse, I made Dean cry.
> 
> So...sorry!

Castiel dropped into the dream.

The forest surrounding him was wretchedly familiar and gave him a sinking feeling that was both depressing and guilty. He’d been so close to staying in Purgatory forever, or at least until the point when Leviathans finally caught him and tore him to pieces. It would have been what he deserved. But Naomi had him saved. And this was the place Dean dreamed about.

He didn’t immediately see the hunter. The forest was murky and indistinct, which made sense considering he was deep within Dean’s subconsciousness. Listening, he did hear movement and grunts off around a bend in this part of the woods, so he followed the sounds, preparing himself for a potential fight. What he found was so unlike his expectations that it halted Castiel in his tracks and he simply stared.

Dean was on the ground, hands and knees, but his face was wrought with pleasure rather than pain. His jeans had been pulled down and bunched around his ankles, leaving the skin of his legs and backside exposed to the faded gray light of Purgatory. And still, Castiel could see him as sharply as on Earth, each light freckle visible. The most astonishing thing, however, was the creature that Dean was moving in tandem with. The vampire Benny, or a dream version of him, was crouched behind the hunter, pants gaping open where its erection was thrusting in and out of the man below.

The vampire was crooning something unintelligible but its tone was complimentary, and Dean flushed pink at the sound of it. Dream-Benny’s hands were also in motion, running along Dean’s back and occasionally drifting down to caress the bare skin of his legs and tease the hard cock between them. At the touch, Dean moaned out the vampire’s name and pushed back harder onto the creature, seeking more pleasure.

Dream-Benny turned its focus to Dean’s erection, pulling in time with their increased movements. Dean’s head dropped low as he moaned out a long, “Yesss… _Fuck_ , Benny.”

The creature’s voice became more distinct. “That’s it, sugar. Take what you want.”

“ _Benny!_ ” Dean pleaded, eyes shut tight in ecstasy.

A Southern drawl muttered something that Castiel couldn’t hear and the vampire’s hands moved to pull Dean up against the creature’s chest and gathered him in its arms. The hunter keened, making even the angel blush a bit and it was inappropriate for Castiel to be standing there watching this…

Dean’s face started to turn toward Dream-Benny’s and his eyes opened slightly. However, it was enough to spot an astonished Castiel. The hunter froze in place.

“ _Cas?_ ” Dean’s eyes widened as he became fully aware of where he was and what he was doing. “Wha— _no!_ This can’t…” Green eyes shut tight again against the dream world and suddenly they were out of the forest and in a standard hotel room. Dean sat fully clothed on the edge of a bed, head hanging in what Castiel suspected was shame. Surprisingly, the Dream-Benny had also reappeared with them, also fully clothed and still with its arms wrapped tight around the hunter’s waist, its head nestled in the curve of Dean’s neck.

“Damn it, Cas,” Dean’s voice sounded so broken, muffled behind his hands, that Castiel’s heart sank at hearing it. “Damn it, I always—I always _remember_ the dreams after you visit. _Damn it!_ ”

“My apologies,” Castiel tried to start.

Dean shook his head and let his hands drop to look up at the angel. Castiel was surprised to see those bright green eyes softened by the gathering of tears. “I can’t—Cas, can you erase this dream for me? Please just erase it and wake me a normal way or something. _Anything_.”

Castiel began again, trying to reassure Dean, “It’s not a sin, to seek pleasure in another man.”

“That’s not—” Dean choked back the words, hanging his head again and hands now clutching at the thick arms still wrapped around his waist.

“Then, what…?” Castiel was puzzled. If not the act, then what was it that was breaking down the hunter’s composure? He’d never seen the man in such a vulnerable state. Dean, however, remained silent. The hunter seemed determined not to answer or was incapable of answering him. Castiel tried to prompt him as gently as possible, “Dean, I don’t understand. What—?”

“He doesn’t want to let go.” The Southern voice clearly spoke up, even as Dream-Benny nuzzled into Dean’s hair.

Castiel startled a bit. He hadn’t expected a separate aspect of Dean’s dream to address him, even though everything in the dream was a product of Dean’s mind. It didn’t really make sense to address a dream extension of Dean when the man himself was right there, but the hunter didn’t appear to be in a normal state. Uncertainly, Castiel addressed the dream-vampire, “What should that have to do with it?”

“If he wakes up with the dream in his head, he’ll have to remember that I’m not around anymore. And he’s managed to ignore that most of the time. It will be harder to forget after this.”

The angel hesitated. “I’m sorry. I had no idea that the vampire was…that you had a relationship with—”

“He didn’t,” the Dream-Benny cut in.

Castiel’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “But, then…that was not based from a memory?”

Dean shuddered a bit and the creature pressed a kiss into his neck soothingly. “No,” the vampire continued. “Dean could never be with me. I was a vampire, he was a hunter. I was a man, so was he. Sam didn’t approve. Bobby wouldn’t have approved. His father and mother would be horrified. _You_ wouldn’t have approved. I was something he _wanted_.” A pause. “You know how he is with things that he actually wants.”

And Castiel did know. It might have been a long time since he’d first raised Dean from Hell, but he remembered the base motivations of his soul. His entire being was built and raised for service: to his family, to a cause, to things that he _needed_ or that needed _him_. Anything outside that range, Dean didn’t feel he deserved to have. Castiel was beginning to understand.

“Please,” Dean’s true voice rasped. “ _Please_ , Cas. Erase this dream. I was never supposed to…”

Castiel considered the man before him. They all had placed many demands on him at one time or another. And Dean had risen to meet the demands that his family required of him: a good soldier, a good brother, a righteous man. Castiel had held up this human as inspiration for his initial rebellion from Heaven and was disappointed whenever Dean showed human weakness or flaws, as if he was supposed to be invincible. But that was not how humans were created. And Dean tried to live up to them all anyway, to the point where he self-destructed, on more than one occasion.

“If I don’t erase it…” Castiel began, seeing Dean’s hands clench on the arms around his waist, face pained. “I can place it back in your subconscious where it came from. You won’t remember on the surface, but it will be there for you.”

Green eyes looked at him in confusion. “For what? Why not just remove it all?”

Castiel looked down with a grimace. “If you cannot acknowledge what you want when you are awake, you should at least be able to have it when you sleep.”

Dean gaped at him, Dream-Benny quietly pressed against him, still. For all that Castiel didn’t really approve of the situation, he couldn’t bring himself to take away what was clearly Dean’s refuge. It was…unusual. But it wasn’t harmful, and he wanted to give Dean something to make up for everything that he’d done in the past. It wasn’t much; really, it was just allowing Dean to keep a secret deep in his soul, but the hunter should be allowed his own secrets and wants. Goodness knows Castiel had kept many secrets of his own from the man and he couldn’t begrudge Dean this one.

The hunter still looked as though Castiel was about to take away the vampire at any moment and the angel smiled sadly at him. Castiel reached out to press his hand against Dean’s head. “Go back to your deepest thoughts, Dean. Dream and be with the vampire, if you truly wish it. You’ll not remember when you wake.”

A tear escaped from Dean’s eye. “ _Thank you_ ,” he managed to say.

They disappeared and Castiel found himself sitting on a park bench where he’d started before seeking out Dean. There was a new heaviness in him that regretted—well, Castiel regretted a lot of things. But he remembered the image of the vampire and realized that he’d never asked about the creature after escaping from Purgatory. He hadn’t assumed anything other than that the vampire was no longer in the picture and hadn’t thought about it ever again. But the vampire Benny stayed in Dean’s thoughts all this time.

Castiel frowned and waited for morning.

~ ~ ~

Dean picked up the phone when he heard it ringing. “Hey, Cas. What’s up?”

“Dean,” his deep voice rumbled. “How did you sleep?”

The hunter’s eyebrows shot up. “You practicing small talk again, Cas? I slept fine. Is something wrong?”

“No,” came the reply. There was a long pause and then the angel continued, “I’m sorry.”

Now Dean’s hairs were rising on his skin. “Seriously, Cas, what’s wrong? Don’t hold out on me, are you hurt?”

“I’m fine. I’m just…sorry about everything.”

“Geez, Cas. What got you so glum? Why don’t you meet me and Sam, huh? We’re at the Beverley Motel in Alliance, Nebraska. Whatever’s going on, we’ll figure it out.”

“OK.”

“Good, see you in a minute.” Dean hung up the phone, looking at it with some confusion. The angel was acting stranger than usual. He knew Cas felt bad about the angel tablet and everything, but they were working through it. He just hoped nothing else was about to go wrong.

There was a moment when he thought he was forgetting something, but then the angel appeared in the room and he let it go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
THE END  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~


End file.
